Whiskey and Goats Milk

i live in the best city in the world.

A person soliciting on the way to the subway (I don’t want to call him homeless he had better sneakers than me) saw me search in my wallet to look for extra change to get a metro card (I’ve been biking to work and haven’t needed one in a while) and he offered me a dollar.

Lonely tears no more. United we beg.

I was recently talking to an old friend of mine. A friend who knew me before I even thought seriously about moving to the city and who used to visit me in my dorm room that smelled like feet and microwavable mac N cheese that I shared with an slightly over weight version of Martha Stewart. When I used to constantly lie to my parents about every thing I did (including attending college classes which then lead to me getting kicked out of college) A friend who knew me when I still lived off of $100 a month and food points paid for by my SUNY scholarship.

After some friendly banter back and forth, my forever hazy memory was suddenly asked to jump start its hard drive as it recalled certain points and moments that, ten years later, I cringe just thinking about. I was a late bloomer in the sense that I didn’t start thinking about the male private parts, drinking or smoking until college. But once the floor gates opened, I was like a new born colt from 18 till 23. All needs and elbows, always covered in my own shit or sweat or vomit and never quite sure how to stand on my own yet.

I’m a short nap away from being 28 which just means I’m a long nap away from being 30. These little slivers of my life in which I hate myself because I was such an asshole back then, I could argue that they were the best little silvers of my life. They weren’t that long away and I’m already having a hard time remembering most of them. A part of me wants to forget them all. I never want to have to openly admit that I was ever that selfish, foolish or self centered. But I was a lot more outgoing back then. A lot more fearless. A lot more fun. I remember smiling more. Not crying over stress hardly ever.

If i could love now as much as I hate how I used to be I might start acting like how I used to be.

Anonymous asked: Do you think that you're qualified to be answering sex questions given that you recently "decided to try to end my period early by having 4 birth control pills at once."?

lol exactly